You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
