sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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