best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
