Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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