I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Panties = found
Randomize
