I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
