Please, let me fuck your mom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
