At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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