How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize