I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
