Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You made out with two different species that night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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