yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
