he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
