I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
