My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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