I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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