please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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