Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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