I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you made out with another girl for some wings
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
