She is in my trunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
