I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
