im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize