I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
