dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
