You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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