she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
