i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize