doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
