I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
