He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize