I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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