Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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