It's like a parade of train wrecks.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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