I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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