Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Actions speak louder than pants.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize