I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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