Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
