If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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