Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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