You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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