did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
