wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
