Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
