Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
