I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Boobs are out for the taking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
