I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He shit in the fireplace
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
