Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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