Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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