Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
