My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
