so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
