I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
