yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
