Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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