today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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