If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
