yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
