I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize