Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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