i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
