Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
