Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
