lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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