so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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