Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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