ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
