I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
