the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
