I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
