Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
