You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
