I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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