Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
