My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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